josiebear's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fly Away Well after a frustrating week and a half with my old computer, we finally put it out of it's misery and sent it to a farm with lots of space to.....run? ;) That blasted thing was 4 1/2 years old, it was time enough for an upgrade. This one is much nicer, and smoother, oh how it's nice. :) It seems as if this year, even though a mere two weeks old, has been full of upgrades. So many things in our lives have been improved upon it's outstanding. Some of them were a big wonder how we even were able to afford such luxury items, but somehow the money was there. I've realized also after many devotionals, and personal talks with the Big Man, that without even knowing it I was doubting Him. I was always proud of the fact that I always knew that God was in control and I never doubted that He would pull me through anything that was thrown my direction. However the amount of worry and grief that I have put myself through the years is a testament to how much I doubted Him. If I "knew" He was in control there would be no need for worry. I would know He would take care of it, and then it would definately be taken care of. I, like many humans, tend to try and take the wheel and make my life go in MY direction, not God's. Not caring what He has in store for me and instead working only on my perogative. This year has given me a new look on life, which I pray that I keep for the rest of my life. My old habits of expecting something and then verbally saying "but it won't happen" is such a slap in the face to Him, and now I've become on a level of disgust with myself for doing that on a rather constant basis. I know that I am undeserving of everything He has given me, but it doesn't mean that He doesn't want to give me things. He is a very generous God, and for that I am eternally grateful. I feel so blessed with everything that we have received, not only in these past few weeks, but for our entire lives. Things that were once a major dissapointment that seemed to consume my life and my husband's life, now are just a mere bump in the road. I thought my life was supposed to go in a certain direction, and it has become very clear to me that God had an entirely different plan. I'm slowly learning to let go and let God take control. It's hard for a creature of habit, and an obsessive need for control, but I'm working on it one day at a time. I feel so incredibly better about myself that it has truely amazed me. Daily devotionals definately help with my sense of balance. I feel so incredibly at peace, no matter what I'm doing. My husband even somehow managed to get me to play that old awful dreaded game again this weekend, and for the first time in a long time I found it entertaining, he of course was at his whits end about things, but I just managed to take the whole thing in stride. Looking at it there is no way I could ever become addicted to it again, I have too many responisiblities that I don't take lightly, that need more attention than computer games. On other uplifting news, that is about the physical side of my yearly change, is that somehow the weight seems to be melting off. It's been an even two weeks as of tomorrow and already 12 lbs are gone. It feels so easy too, which is the rather odd part. Never did I think that cutting back on what I ate and exercising daily, would be easy, but it has. It's almost as if it's just the way I'm supposed to function, as if I fell into an old routine. It is very fulfilling to continue on when it just drops off like a rock. It looks like my 50 lb goal won't be so hard to achieve. I may even go a bit lower, depending on what physical shape I'm in at the time, and all of that, but 50 should be just fine. :) With saying all of that I have to put my "anthem" for the year at the end of this, this song has been such an uplifting release for me. I feel such confidence when I listen to it, so of course it is on my mp3 player and is played rather often around here. :) xoxo 10:04 p.m. - Sunday, Jan. 14, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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